Song Effects

How different music affects me, in the order in which they came up in Pandora on random:

The Lord of the Rings soundtrack has got to be the best music I have ever heard. Every time I listen to it, I can imagine exactly the scene it is from and nostalgia comes rushing back and I just want to watch the movies all over again, even if I finished watching them five minutes ago. Such bittersweet music I have never heard, knowing what happens and the pain and suffering but yet the joy, the laughter and lightheartedness I can hear in every song. A Storm is Coming is probably my favorite on the soundtrack.

The songs of A7X invade the deepest regions of my soul, the music so amazingly harsh yet perfectly fitting, and the lyrics and voice perfectly complete the instruments. The fact that there are long pauses in the voice, allowing the instruments to shine makes it ever even more involving. Many of these songs also cause nostalgia, a wonderful nostalgia from the beginnings of my relationship with Mike, when he first introduced me to A7X and the hot summer days and cool summer nights listening to A7X and chatting with Mike, before we were even a couple. I just want to close my eyes and drift with this music, composing so many scenes in my head, bittersweet scenes and action scenes and heated conversations and the climax of the music, when something that had been building for so long just explodes, like one of my favorites (that I am also currently listening to), I Won't See You Tonight pt 1, I imagined such an argument, and friction and finally a slap and her leaving, him being left broken and frustrated in the rain.

Relient K always cheers me up, but reminds me of Evan who introduced me to them, especially the songs on the Mmhmm album and the song Faking My Own Suicide, and makes me recall how close we were then and I feel a tightness in my heart wishing we could be that close again. The music is often lighthearted with a darker undertone that I can enjoy without being in such a dark place as I often am with other music I listen to. 

I rarely hear Chevelle but when I do, it sounds so darkly haunting and entrancing me to keep listening though the voice is a bit unlikeable. 

Staind's music lifts my heart a bit as it pounds to the beat of the music and the voice, even though the songs are usually somewhat dark. I cannot take them too seriously.

Ironically, because of the channel I have on Pandora I get to listen to video game OSTs as well (even though I rarely play video games), and I must say I LOVE Halo 3 music. Really any music similar to it I enjoy (like LotR) but it just has that gripping video game quality to it yet it is amazing music, unlike most video game music (for instance, I despise Zelda music even though it is on the same channel. It is just too high pitched and cheery - definitely not the kind of music I prefer). The drums and the strings working together so effortlessly has the effect of making my body sway to the music, wanting to take up a violin in my hands and pretend to play along (as I cannot play a violin). It is so involving.

There is only one song I like by The Offspring, which is You're Gonna Go Far, Kid. This song is almost like crack to me, I have to move to it but it is annoying that I only know some of the words so I cannot sing to it. I know it is supposed to be a darker song, but it is sung in such a light (well, more medium) manner and the music is quite cheery as well, and the lyrics amuse me.

Evanescence fills a musical hole in me every time their songs come on. I have known a couple of their songs for as long as I can remember (Bring Me to Life and My Immortal), and the other songs I love just as much if not more. I do not believe there to be a single song by them that I dislike. My body seems to react to the music in a way such that my heart is both lightened and darkened, as if pulled on by a rope into the music, such a chaos of pain and hope conflicting in my soul as it is in the music. I so often wish to sing to them, as I know most of their songs by heart, but at the same time I don't wish to sully their glorious music with my tawdry voice. 

Seether... Seether gets into the deepest crevices of my heart and soul, and I crave it, the voice and the music so disturbing and hauntingly beautiful and I can hear the raw emotions in the voice and the music, it is as if it is encouraging me to listen to it, eyes closed as the scene plays out in my mind, so familiar yet so unknown. At the same time it produces a nostalgia in me, depending on the song it can be less or more - Walk Away From the Sun and Eyes of the Devil hit me the most, the former being the first Seether song Mike introduced me to (that I immediately loved) and the latter being the song that I listened to for the first time at a time of much emotional turbulence. Like Suicide also affects me greatly, mostly for the lyrics. All of their songs, even if I had no previous emotional attachment to it, creates a spot for themselves in my emotions because of how everything works together, and the words hitting my emotional core, at those thoughts I have thought so often. Their version of Careless Whisper has my heart in turmoil as I listen to it - I loved the George Michael version, but when I heard the Seether version I fell more in love with the song, it is absolutely entrancing.

Three Days Grace is another author I have listened to for a while, and yet every time I hear their songs new emotions flood me, often a mix of sadness and helplessness and curiosity and hope and raw dark amusement with my soul partially wanting to live what was sung even though I know how undesirable that would be. Riot is a very addicting song.

Switchfoot lightens my soul and makes me somewhat crave a snuggle with Mike, yet also makes me wonder about the lyrics and how they fit life, and it produces a need to do something more with my life.

Rise Against gets my heart light as well, but a chaotic sort of giddy insanity. It is kind of annoying, but I cannot help but get pulled along in its current of music.

Paramore's music is so entrancing yet so wistful it almost brings tears to my eyes. Some of their songs are more ironic and biting, and those amuse me yet darken my soul at the words at the same time, but the sorrowful music of theirs I more often listen to depresses my soul into the places where I often write my most depressing poetry.

Stone Sour produces mild doses of nostalgia, and I am almost uncaring in my emotions when it comes to them except that I enjoy the songs and the strange voice with the softened edge; even if I hadn't heard that song of theirs, I already feel I know what the music will bring next.

10 Years has the effect of somewhat making me doleful yet having that ironic interest for me that has a sliver of amusement for me. I enjoy their music in a deeper way than Stone Sour, but not as much as Three Days Grace.

The music of Breaking Benjamin goes deep into my soul, similar to A7X and Seether, though in a different way, it is almost an inescapable, desperate pain that has yet to heal over, and a heady depression that I seem to crave, and the music sets beats to my heart with that hard yet not harsh tone.

3 Doors Down creates in me a chasm of nostalgia and a slight sorrow, being one of my favorites for a long time right next to Bon Jovi, though having a fresher feel than Bon Jovi. There is a somehow wistful hope there as well, hiding in the sorrow.

Tenth Avenue North puts my heart in a bond of faith, hopeful and needing, understanding the words and feeling them to be necessary, as if I had been needing to hear them all of the time without realizing it.

I like Nickelback songs, I don't care about all of the anti-Nickelback jokes, but I only like certain ones such as If Everyone Cared, When We Stand Together, and Rockstar. I enjoy them, the music and the voice being from my childhood when I listened to How You Remind Me, Photograph, and I'd Come For You.

The song by Quitedrive I listen to is Time After Time. I am always enjoying this song, even after all of the times I have listened to it, it is one song that has never grown old for me, the inspiration to be creative harbored in me comes back to the surface.

Flyleaf makes me sad and happy at the same time, with each of those haunting lyrics of theirs. I do not like most female singers' voices, but hers I definitely like, it flows so well with the music, harsh and demanding yet not unbearable. 

Shinedown's music is a bit more calming than other music I listen to, and it is somewhat distant.

Skillet music is music I always want to sing along to, and I love the energy and boundless strength in the voices and instruments, my favorite song by them being Awake and Alive. A droplet of despair is there too, but just enough to make the music even better. 

Surprisingly, I actually rather like Metallica, though I didn't used to. It is a bit on the harsher side, but a few of their songs are pretty good. I do not have much of an emotional reaction to them yet.

Fireflight I group with Flyleaf and Paramore, since their musics are similar as are their voices in relation to the music. Unlike the other two, I feel more lighthearted when I listen to them, though there is a bit of nostalgia I feel even though I have nothing to be nostalgic about with them - I hear the nostalgia in the voice.

Experimental Drawings

I have been drawing a lot lately, due in part to the new app I got (DrawQuest) where there are daily quests to draw, though there is always some part that the creators drew and you have to draw something to fit the quest. DrawQuest has not as many tools for drawing as my other main drawing app (Sketchbook), so I have to get more creative, and thus I have been experimenting a lot with drawing and shading. Often I draw something in DrawQuest and then want to see if I can draw a better version in Sketchbook. I have certainly been improving, I think. Here is a drawing I had drawn traditionally, with colored pencils. Below it is the version I created in Photoshop a few weeks later.

Self-Harm Awareness Day?

It is ironic, isn't it, how we have only one day of the year for self-harm awareness? What about the other 364 days, shouldn't people care on those days too? I find days like this silly, like Valentine's Day. For Valentine's Day, shouldn't people celebrate their love every day? And shouldn't people try to help those who self-harm every day? Just one day isn't going to help people. Just one day doesn't mean anything. We should always try to help everyone.